


Freshness Guaranteed

by Whiskey-and-Denial (Powerfulweak)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental kidnapping, Deep Throating, M/M, Other, Parkour, Praise Kink, Sam gets faced sexed by a salad, Wanton abuse of the common comma, accidental aiming skills, becky is really enthusiastic, unedited and unbeta'd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 12:52:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6424867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Powerfulweak/pseuds/Whiskey-and-Denial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the boys go to investigate a mysterious disturbance at a grocery store, Sam finds himself strangely drawn to their Monster of the Week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freshness Guaranteed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Angrysouffle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angrysouffle/gifts).



> This is entirely unedited since I finished it on a plane.  
> Part of the SPN Originality Bang  
> http://spn-originality-big-bang.tumblr.com/

They got the report just after 10:30 pm. A grocery store in Sheboygan experienced a flash of blinding light, followed by a high pitch scream. When the noise faded the report said the produce section was vibrating and seemed to be emitting an eerie glow.   
“Vibrating vegetables,” Sam scoffs as he scrolls through the news website. “Sounds right up your alley, Dean.” Dean rolls his eyes at his brother and flips him the bird as he grabs his jacket and heads out the door. Castiel isn’t far behind, murmuring that he and Dean no longer needed to use vegetables since they’d discovered that Amazon sells a wide variety of sex toys.   
“Not now, Cas,” Dean grumbles as they slip into the Impala’s backseat and drive off.   
The grocery store is empty save for investigators and crime scene techs. The Winchesters emerge from the car, flashing their badges and introducing themselves as Agents Carlisle, Wiedlan and Valentine. The head investigator gives them a side-eyed look before lifting up the yellow tape and letting them inside.   
“It’s just a mess in here boys,” he mutters, leading them past the bakery, Dean’s eyes lingering on the glass encased pie, toward the produce. The investigator shows them around, taking note of the strangly shaped black soot marks on the floor.  
“What’s that?” Dean says, scuffing at the mark with his feet.   
“No idea,” the investigator says, “You collegue already took a sample and says she’s looking into it.”  
“Colleague?” Sam’s head pops up.  
“She?” Dean asks, his nose crinkling.  
“Sam?!” A voice gushes behind them. They're shoulders sink as they turn to see Becky Rosen, standing there with notebook and pantsuit. “Oh My God! I can’t believe I’ve finally run into you!”  
“Becky,” Sam greets, cringeing as she presses a hand to his chest before hugging him. ‘Uh, What are you doing here?”  
“Working!” She says, gleefully. “Duh! I’m hunting now.” Sam’s brows fly to his hairline and Dean face palms.   
“Wait? Why does she get to be a hunter?” Cas asks, narrowing his eyes at Dean. “I asked for months before you allowed my to join, and even then it was only because my mouth was wrapped around-”   
Got it, Cas!” Dean cuts him off and turns his attwntion to Becky. “What are you doing? You can’t be a hunter.”  
“Sure I can,” She says, popping her fists on her hips, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Why not?”  
“Because… you… y’know.” Dean waves his hand in the air vaguely. “You! Sweater vest and headbands.”  
Becky rolls her eyes dramatically. “Oh please, I am far more qualified to be a hunter than you are.”  
“Bullshit.”  
Becky holds up a hand and starts ticking things off on each finger. “I have read every Supernatural book, in addition to the unpublished ones, at least twice, I have read all the fan meta and I have an encyclopedic knowledge of all of the weapons you have in stock and what can kill each monster. I run blogs and and message board dissecting everything. If I wanted to, I could get a doctorate in Winchester.” She points to Castiel. “I know your ass better than this one.” Castiel blinks in surprise at being drawn into this conversation, glancing from Becky to Dean and back.  
“Look, Becky, we appreciate all that,” Sam says, stepping forward and cutting Dean off before he can argue, “but you can’t be here this is really dangerous.”  
“I know!” SHe beams brightly. “It’s amazing. I haven’t felt this alive in years! C’mon let me show you what I’ve found, it’s unlike anything you’ve ever seen before.” They follow Becky Toward the back of the store, stopping short when they see what she is pointing at.  
“Ain’t it cool?” She whispers.  
“What… is it?” Dean mumbles.   
“It appears to be vegetables, Dean… and salad dressing,” Cas supplies, but they all realize it is so much more than that. A huge, pulsating,iridescent ball hovers a few feet off the ground, it’s surface translucent and the core center of a mound of vegetables visible underneath.  
“I can see that,” Dean hisses. “But I mean, what do you think it is? Witches? Ghosts?”   
“Aliens,” Becky says firmly. All three turn to her with incredulous looks.  
“Becky, there is no such thing as aliens,” Castiel says.  
“Yeah, sure,” she replies with a dramatic eyeroll, “And the Pyramids just built themselves.”  
“No, it was mass slavery of the hebrews-”  
“Becky, Cas is right,” Sam interjects. “There is no such thing as aliens.”  
“Well, then what do you think, Sam,” she points in the direction of the oily orb. “I’ve had an EMF reader all around that thing, I’ve touched it with silver, salt, blood… Nothing.”  
“Look, this is clearly something… not natural. We just need to do a little-” Sam waves out a hand and hits something with a ‘glop.’ The orb is now less than two feet from him (when did it move, exactly?) and his hand is emerged inside. Cas, Dean, and Becky all take a step back, Sam tries but the orb seems to have a grip on his hand. It shudders around him, a swirl of creamy Italian circling his wrist.  
“Sam…” Dean says in warning. “Sam, back away from that thing.”  
“I’m trying.” Sam tugs at his hand, but the grip on the orb tightens like a vise. A few stray radishes float from the center, brushing against Sam’s hands and fingers. “Guys… I think this is alive, it’s-”  
“Uh-oh,” Dean mumbles, spotting the actual feds out of the corner of his eye, Store management and the lead investigator point in their direction. “Jig’s up.” The orb immediately releases Sam’s hand, moving back against the wall.   
“C’mon, we’ve gotta get out of here.” Dean hisses and he, Sam, and Cas start to back down another aisle to make their escape, but Becky just brushes down her sleeves and straightens her jacket. “Becky, what are you doing?”  
“Don’t worry, I‘ve got this,” She says, squaring back her shoulders and stepping in the direction of the fed.   
Dean rolls his eyes and shrugs. “Suit yourself.” He turns and jogs away.  
“Dean!” Sam yells. He glances at Becky and back at his fleeing brother. As much as he should hate this girl (what with all the stalker behavior and kidnapping and forced marriage and stuff), he doesn’t want to see her get charged with a felony for impersonating a federal officer either.   
“No, you don’t.” Sam wraps his arms around Becky’s waist, lifting her into the air and carrying her off.  
“Hey- What! Put me down!” Becky yells, legs flailing as she tries to kick out of Sam’s hold. “I mean it, Sam! Put me down right now, I-Mmmmph!” Sam claps a hand over her mouth, muffling her shouts.   
They bolt out the back door, Dean skidding across the hood of the Impala and landing on his ass in the dirt.   
“Parkour!” He shouts, jumping to his feet. Sam would roll his eyes, but he’s too busy dodging Becky’s perfectly manicured nails. He throws her in the backseat, sliding in after her, while Cas and Dean slip into the front and start the car.  
“You. Let. Me. Go. Sam Winchester,” Becky shouts, kicking Sam with all of her might. “Ypu had no right to pull me out of there. I knew what I was doing.”  
“What you were doing is about to get yourself arrested,” Dean shouts as he guns the car down the freeway.  
“This is kidnapping!” Becky screams. “I’m going to have you arrested for kidnapping!”  
“We’re not kidnapping you!” Sam says. “We just wanted to get you out of a dangerous situation.”  
“It kind of is kidnapping,” Castiel pipes up from the front, earning him twin death glares from the Winchesters. “Technically speaking.”  
“See?” Becky sneers.  
“Well, you kidnapped me first,” Sam argues. Becky looks away, embarrassed.  
“Fine, we’re even then,” she mumbles, “But we still need to go back and figure out what that thing was.”  
“Nope,” Dean says. “No we don’t. If it ain’t evil or trying to kill someone it ain’t our business.”   
“But aren’t you even a little bit curious?” Becky leans forward, hooking her chin over the edge of the seat.  
“Not in the least.” Dean shakes his head. “Now where do you want us to drop you off at?” Becky sighs and directs them to the nearest bus station. Dean is practically hitting the gas before she’s even shut the door.   
“Geez, Dean, you don’t have to be an asshole,” Sam mutters, watching a forlorn Becky from the back window as they pull away. \  
“Need I remind you that that girl nearly went Annie Wilkes on your ass,” Dean huffs. “Now enough of that. Let’s find a hotel room and get some rest.”

***

They are woken up by a loud, incessant banging on the door. Dean flails for his phone on the nightstand, practically rolling off the bed as he does before righting himself, mumbling “parkour” under his breath. He throws open the door, jumping back in surprise as a phone is thrust into his face.  
“No one hurt, huh?” an over exhuberant voice says. Dean grimaces and pushes aside the paper.  
“Becky?” He mutters, rubbing at his eyes. Becky grins brightly and pushes past him into the hotel room. Sam sits up, covering himself modestly as Becky breezes in and flops down onto the edge of the bed.  
“Seven forensic examiners incapacitated last night,” Becky flashes the phone in Sam’s face, “all of whom covered were found covered in a thick viscous substance that was later determined o be … Salad dressing.” Dean walks over and grabs the phone from here, reading over the police report.  
“What the hell are you getting at?” He asks her, his expression completely deadpan.   
“That thing last night? The big floating ball?” Becky gives him a pointed look. “It’s attacking people now, trying to kill them. Three of the examiners are still in comas.” Dean stares at the phone, rereading the report.   
“Alright, we’ll look into it. Where C-” A flutter of wings cuts him off as Castiel appears in the center of the room.  
“Oh My God! That is so much cooler than the books describe it!” Becky gushes. Dean rolls his eyes and grabs his coat off a desk chair.  
“C’mon, let’s get packed up and go,” he says, making a circling motion with his hand.

***

It only takes a quick flash of their badges to get them inside the forensic lab/crime scene. Dean and Cas attempt to gather some files and the forensic reports done prior to the attack while Sam and Becky examine the lab itself, tearing away the biohazard film and stepping inside.  
“It smells like an Olive Garden in here,” Becky says, sniffing at the air. Sam nods wordlessly as he slowly scans the room  
“Did that report say exactly how this thing attacked those people?” Sam asks, dipping his finger into a strange looking puddle on one of the counters.   
“No, but I assume it was similar to what happened to you,” she says as she continues into the next lab over. “Grabs hold and won’t let- Uh… Sam? Sam!” Sam follows her voice to the next lab. More biohazard film covers the doorway, which Becky peers into. Something is glowing from within, and Sam presses closer to see.  
“What is it?” Becky asks.  
“It’s that thing and… Is that a salad bowl?” Sam narrows his eyes at the the large bowl, filled with what looks like crisp greens and surrounded by the dressing orb.   
“They just left it in here?” Becky stares up at Sam, raising an eyebrow, he shrugs.  
“Well they did seal up the room. Guess they’re waiting on the CDC maybe or federal forensic specialists.” The light within the room seems to grow and Sam’s attention is drawn to the orb once more. Sam can’t tears his eyes away from it, the swirls and eddies of the orb hypnotizing him almost.   
“Sam?” Becky says, her brows drawing together. “I think something’s happening with it.” The orb begins to grow and pulsates, the leafy greens within it jumping in response.   
“This can’t be good,” Sam mutters. There is a slap of footsteps behind them as Cas and Dean rull into the room, file folders under their arms.  
“You guys won’t believe- What the hell is going on in there?”” Dean asks, as he skids to a stop behind Sam.   
“We don’t know,” Sam says, “But the thing seems pissed. Any info?” Dean holds up a stack of folders.   
“This whole town is convinced it’s aliens or drugs.” Dean says.  
“But you don’t.”  
“Look, all I know is that we need to get that thing out of the building and away from other people before it does anymore damage.”  
“So what, Dean, you just want to stick it in a giant tupperware container?” Sam scoffs sarcastically.   
“Dean mentioned the idea of bringing it to Bobby’s house.” Cas pipes up. “It’s isolated enough.”  
“Plus, Bobby has a panic room.” Dean adds.  
“His panic room isn’t warded for aliens, Dean,” Sam reminds him.  
“It’s not aliens!” Dean snaps back. “Look, let’s just get in there and scoop that thing into a garbage bag or something.  
“I’m not going in there,” Becky says with a quick head shake. Dean looks at Sam who does the same. All eyes turn toward Castiel, who rolls his eyes before transporting past the biohazard film.

***  
Bobby is less than pleased by their arrival.  
“What the Hell are y’all roping me into?” He asks as Sam and Dean walk together sideways through the door, arms loaded with a large salad bowl contained in a red biohazard bag. “And who the Hell is this?” He hooks a thumb at Becky.  
“Becky Rosen,” She answers brightly, offering her hand for him to shake. “It is a pleasure to meet you, sir. Love your work.” Bobby frowns in confusion as she scoots by him.  
“We just need to store this for a little while where it’s safe,” Dean says. “We don’t quite know what this is yet.”  
“Oh so you decide to ply it on me then.” Bobby crosses his arms over his chest indignantly. “Real nice of you.”  
“Look, can we just stick it in the panic room?” Dean asks.  
“Panic room won’t protect against deadly viruses,” he huffs.  
“It’s not a virus, we can assure you,” Cas says as he steps through the door.  
“It’s aliens!” Becky adds enthusiastically, boucing on the balls of her feet.  
“It’s not aliens!” Dean shouts. Bobby holds up his hands.  
“Enough, enough, fine,” he mutters. “Let’s get it down there.” He moves past Dean and Sam, leading them toward the basement.   
They deposit the biohazard bag in the center of the room and back out the door. The Orb doesn’t seem very happy by these proceedings as it doubles in size and begins to emit a high-peirced buzzing noise.  
“Jesus, that’s annoying,” Sam says, covering an ear.   
“What’s annoying?” Dean asks, glancing at Sam as he drags the deadbolt shut.   
“You don’t hear that?” Sam asks. He points toward the Orb, now stretching the limits of the bag. “That thing keeps making noise.” Dean blinks a few times at Sam and then glances at the Orb, and back.  
“I’m not hearing anything, Sam,” he sighs, slapping his brother on the shoulder. “Maybe it tinnitus.” Sam glares at his brother as he wiggles a finger in his ear attempting to clear the sound.  
***  
Sam is restless the rest of the night. The buzz from earlier still lingers in his ear, a constant background hum over the blare of the TV where Cas, Dean and Bobby watch a rerun of some Telenovela and the click of Becky working on her laptop. Sam can’t sit still, he moves from the kitchen, to the library, to the dinining room, to the living room.  
“Sam!” Dean shouts out. “Quit it, you’re making me dizzy.” Sam huffs and scrubs a hand over his face.  
“What’s got you so keyed up, boy?” Bobby asks, taking a sip off his beer.   
Sam shakes his head. “I’m just… antsy, I guess.”  
“Relaxation is very important, Sam,” Becky says, her head popping up over her laptop. “I can give you a massage if you like.” Sam waves her off, and leans against the wall.   
“Maybe I should just get some rest or-” Sam trails off when he notices the buzzing has stopped. It it’s place is a low melody, lovely and light, coming from the basement. It’s haunting in its familiarity, and Sam finds himself moving toward the basement door.   
“Yeah, you probably should get some sleep, Sam… Sam?” Dean looks at his brother, brows drawn together.  
“Uh, what?” Sam shakes his head out of his trance.   
“You’re headed the wrong way, man.” Dean points toward the staircase. “Bedrooms are that way.” Sam looks in confusion from the stairwell toward the basement door.   
“Yeah, yeah, right,” he mumbles as he head to the stairs, but the farther he gets from the basement door, the more the music grows. Sam claps his hands over his ears in pain, the melody deafening by the time his foot hits the first step. There are voice around him but he can’t make out what they are saying, only the melody.   
Strong hands clasp at his shoulder. “Sam!” That’s Castiel’s voice. “Sam, what’s wrong?” Sam opens his eye and looks up to see Becky rising from her seat at the table. Her lips are moving, but he can’t make out anything she’s saying.  
All at once, something snaps inside Sam, he jumps to his feet and rushes to the basement door, muffled voices calling his name following him. He takes the steps two at a time, Landing on the cement floor with a thud. The melody reaches a fever pitch as he scrambles to the panic room door. Sam lifts hist head to look inside the window, but is shocked to see the orb is nowhere to be seen, just a salad bowl full of freshly chopped greens.  
“Sam!” Dean shouts as he barrels down the stairs. “Sam, What are you doing?!” Sam glances behind himself once before throwing open the deadbolt and opening the panic room door.  
“Sam! Don’t!” Dean screams, but it’s too late. With a grunt, he swings the door shut behind him.   
The metal vibrates as Dean bangs on the door, calling Sam’s name, over and over. He can hear Bobby and Castiel as well, but he doesn’t care. Sam grins a wicked grin as his eyes fall upon the most beautiful salad he has ever seen.  
Crisp romaine leaves, shimmering with dressing, dotted with silvers of freshly shredded carrots and cabbage, seem to beckon him forward. Perfect radish rosettes lie nestled between the leaves, accompanied by a rainbow mix of peppers. Asparagus spears and cucumber slices poke out at the side and Sam reaches out hesitantly, plucking up a peice of cucumber and groaning wantonly as he pops it in his mouth. The voices from outside fade to nothing drowned out by the swell of the salad’s melody.   
Sam thrusts a hand deep into the bowl, pulling out a handful of salad and shoving it into his mouth without pretense. A symphony of flavor explodes on his tongue and Sam's knees grow weak from the sensation.   
“Yes, Sam, that's it.” Who’s voice is that? Becky? Sam twists his head, his cheeks full of food and puffed out like a chipmunk, Becky’s face is pressed up against the window, her breath fogging the glass as she gasps encroachments. “That's what it wants, Sam. It wants you.” Sam swears he hears a purr come from the bowl but is too distracted, grabbing another fistful of salad and shoving it into his mouth before he's even swallowed he first bite.   
Sam can feel his gag reflex kicking in but he muscles past it, opening his throats and swallowing whole leaves and tomato wedges down.   
“That's it, Sam,” Becky shouts through the door. “Take it all, take it all down.” Sam feels his face flushing and his body responding not only to the salad’s thrall but Becky’s encouragement as well.  
Without warning, Sam tugs at his belt and the fly of his jeans, pulling them down just enough to release his cock. He takes hold of the shaft, his hand already slick with the Catalina/creamy Italian dressing mix that the salad was coated in. Sam feels more of the salad working its way down his throat, but he can't remember taking another handful.   
The melody builds to a crescendo and Sam's vision blurs as it does, coming hard enough to shoot to the ceiling and hit the emergency release lock.  
Sam stumbles backwards, hitting the wall, and Becky yelps as the door swings open. The Salad begins to spin and rise in the bowl, the Orb growing over it once more as it escapes out the room.  
“Hey,” Sam shouts, tripping as he tries to pull up his pants while chasing after the escaping Salad. Becky, Cas, Dean, and Bobby follow after him up the stairs.  
Sam races through the house and onto the front porch but stops abruptly, everyone else crashing into his back as he does.  
“Holy shit,” Sam murmurs, his eyes drawn to the gigantic, glowing salad spinner floating above them.  
“The fuck is that?!” Dean gasps, eyes wide. Cas just stares wordlessly shaking his head.   
Becky beams at the sky, clapping her hands enthusiastically. “I fucking knew it!!!” She screams.   
The salad orb swirls and dances as it moves up toward the salad spinner. A space opens in the center sucking the Orb up with a “pop.” A thundering sound cuts through the air and the Spinner quickly rises into the atmosphere, leaving the earth below in strangely quiet darkness.   
They all stand in unblinking silence for a full minute, eyes still glued to the sky above, before Dean clears his throat.   
“Fucking aliens, man,” he says.


End file.
